Innocence That Is Long Dead....

Deep inside I hear the call

Yeah it's about time to let it fall...!!!

To turn down the ever choking flashes of moments

Inside my head 

Brought by the colours of forgone 

Or  innocence that is long dead ???

Those ever sparkling stars 

Never seem to get tired

Even of the arrogant thunder storms !!!

Diligently striving to refresh the essence
of their sparkles in my life!!!

The crazy little spell casted on me

And 'Sunshine' that I used to call you fondly...
Did  it ever mean a thing to you ???
Perhaps that's the reason it looked too perfect to be true...!!!
I am not your's neither lost in you
It's just a phase and it will be through
As the snowflakes melts in the sunshine
After the morning dew

There's no magic anymore
We meet as other people do...
For I have grown listless
As the pool beside the shore
You know how it is when there is no splendor anymore...

A Tale Of Herpetophobia....

"Lizards", those creepy little cold species always with it's wagging tail as it creeps on the wall threatens me to give me my worst ever nightmares!!!The worst feature in a lizard that I find, is it's eyes (WISH I COULD DESIGN SOME STYLISH GLARES TO CAMOUFLAGE THEIR EYES AND MAKE THEM LOOK LITTLE ATTRACTIVE TO ME).I have been cursed with "Herpetophobia",a fear for lizards....I even find it difficult to type out the name......And army quarters are full of them(specially in Ambala)......Our helper has to learn only one thing...SHOO the LIZARDS AWAY....Every evening before he leaves he chases them and seals the house literally....This happened when my husband was posted to the unit.To prevent any encounter with them in the middle of the night I even used to put mosquito net while sleeping. Gosh...how it used to creep me out even by the thought of them getting "PARA-DROPPED" on me at night.I never used to stay alone at home sans my husband at night only because I always used to anticipate being ATTACKED by them while alone at home. That's the reason whenever my husband had to go on some T.D. or something of the sort I would always tag along with him.Once the COMMANDING OFFICER of my husband's regiment gave me the "BRIGHT IDEA"(huh) of putting the egg shells in the house to scare away the lizards. Well, I think he was too bugged by me being tagged along everywhere with my hubby in his official visits. But whatever it was,I could not stop myself form putting that idea into action eagerly hoping to get rid of those little horrifyingly creepy villains. Soon I instructed our helper to seal each and every nook and corner of the house with broken egg shells. Those days we were living in the first floor of a quarter...where, in the ground floor my husband's company commander used to live (who happens to be a pure veggie). One day our helper comes and informs me that the lady staying in the ground floor wants to meet me..I don't know what my "Thamil" speaking helper told her but immediately after landing at her place I could somehow read her feelings towards me.She appeared to be pretty annoyed with me the way she was throwing a hateful look at me. "Oh God,what did I do??"I was just asking myself....and then the dark mystery got unfolded soon as the conversation got rolling between the two of us, she taunted that she wonders "why do I always throw all the egg shells on her house???" !!! Well,I was taken aback by her taunt to no end...."HUH!!..WHY ON EARTH WOULD I EVER THROW EGG SHELLS ON YOUR HOUSE???!!!", yet somehow I managed to keep it to myself....but later realized that it was not her fault either as the egg shells used to be blown away by the winds from my balcony straight to the lawn of her house!!!Well, while explaining the whole story to her she also could not stop from laughing her heart out at my predicament !!!

But that's not all at all....then again during OPERATION PARAKRAM(a military operation in 2001, while the entire Indian Arm Forces' mobilization took place because of the unprecedented attack on our parliament) our husbands were away with the entire unit leaving behind only the rear party and the ladies......My Bhaiya(helper) as usual checked the house for lizards and went away in the evening....My daughter and I went to bed.....I had shut off the lights and was about to lie down when suddenly my daughter whispered....MAMMA CHIPKALI!!!! SHIT!!! I thought...It was 10 pm and in those days mobile was not so much in vogue...I quickly picked up an Army phone and called another lady(GOD BLESS HER) and shared my predicament.....She in turn immediately contacted the regiment......To pass on a message to our Helper.......NOW I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MESSAGE ACTUALLY GOT CONVEYED THROUGH THE PEOPLE IN THE REGIMENT....But half an hour later my door bell rang and I open the door to find 4 sentries with AK47 standing there and asking me...."MADAM, INTRUDER KAHAN HAI????"....(GOD NOT AGAIN !!)Was I embarrassed ???!!!But at the same time this GREEDY thought STRUCK my mind "WISH I COULD KEEP THEM WITH ME TO FIGHT THESE LITTLE CREEPY INTRUDERS AT MY PLACE FOREVER OR AT LEAST TILL THE TIME MY HUSBAND COMES BACK...HOW SECURED AND SAFE MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN....SIGH!!!"

[LyricsMasti] Lyrics of Karoge Yaad To Har Baat (Bazaar 1982)

[LyricsMasti] Lyrics of Karoge Yaad To Har Baat (Bazaar 1982)

DREAMS

       

Battered time will soon be flying...
Have you seen our faith ever dying...???
Soon the clouds will glow,
These rough blues will flow
Desires will grow
Then I shall row,
For all you know :

No signs of feelings that I adore..
No silly butterflies in my belly,
Only looking to reach the shore..
Nurturing an ever waiting bud within me.
Craving for some sprinkle of sunshine,
Lest you make me smile,
Yes it's been quite long for a while..!!!!

Does it really matter to you?????

Wonder where it will take us to
It seems so much like a time to bid adieu,
for I have waited for you too long,
Never really cared; what if I go wrong???
Every time the shadows pass by,
my heart skips a beat or two,
Some of your beautiful untruths
still make me hover if it's you!!!

Healing a bruised heart with all it's dreams
moving on to pick up those pieces of life
with the baggage of foregone,
In the jungle of hopes to survive,
Without you or even the anticipations to see you again
For my soul has withered since long...

When You Left Me...

When you'r gone...
I was still the same
the way you left me
waiting for you to turn back and
look at me with glee.
The cuckoos were still chirping on the trees
wind was still blowing silently across the hills...
by gently playing with my hair
yet leaving it high and dry
And when you did not turn back
even then still I thought...
may be you fear looking at me
because it might stop you from parting away from me.
Yes I was still the same.
I still booked a table for two
at Sunny's,your favorite restaurant.
Still got dorned up
the way you always want me to be
I wore that red silhouette gown..
You gave me on my last birthday
I still did not wear any color on my lips,
I knew you don't like to get teased
by any unreal flavor on my lips.
I still kept my hair unkempt..
remember, you liked moving your fingers through the strands of my unruly hair
detangling it softly
while our eyes were deep in conversation...
and my head was
basking in the warmth of your arms.
I would still not wear any perfumes
lest it bars me from getting the feel of you in the air
once you are ushered in towards the table by the waiter..
I was still so deep in your thought....
How would I ever hold myself back from you....
once you sit next to me,
only to tickle all my senses
caressing my bones with a smile
and say "Hi dear" ?????

Will You Make My Love Story...????

Dashing you and pretty me
yes we can be the most sought after
protagonists of the world's
next best seller LOVE STORY..

You fall for me when you
find me the very first time
then name it as 'love at first sight'

You wait for me till hours
at the courtyard of my cottage
to catch a glimpse of me
then start grumbling as I flee

You make me feel how beautiful I am
call me as your 'belle dame';
then I shall blush,
cry out of joy,
holding myself back,
When my knees would give up!!!

You promise me the moon and
be my sunshine
and keep on shining till the end of time...

School versus Education...

I have always believed that school is an interface which nurtures a child’s innate desire to be independent in thinking and doing, no matter what learning style they adopt or posses, but it should give the child the freedom to explore and learn about their world around them without leaving any scars in their tender minds.
But a few instances of schools out here in the Guwahati city has left some concerned parents fearing more about their child’s future in such schools. My friend got a shock of her life when she heard her 10 year old daughter making queries about “cheque bounce”. And when she asked her daughter as to why she is asking about cheque bounce, the reply she got from her daughter left her completely shell shocked.
Her daughter had come to know about that very word from her class teacher whence one of her friend was admonished by the teacher as the cheque that her parents deposited in the bank for school fees got dishonoured. She also overheard her class teacher telling her friend that her friend’s marks for her assessments will also be deducted due to the fault of the parents. This is indeed a very astonishing and un-teacher like behaviour from a teacher of a reputed convent located in the heart of the city.
Dear parents, do we all get complacent about children’s future once we put them in a reputed or so called branded school? Do we take pains to know what our kids are learning these days from their teachers in schools? For we are all aware that, a very small instance learnt in school can change their entire life forever. This is the biggest fear that my sister is going through these days. Her daughter is studying in such a school which is not only one of the reputed convents in the city but is also one of the oldest missionary schools too.
Out of concern she also shared an issue with me which is prevalent in that school. Being a missionary school the school authorities have this tradition of collecting charity from the students for the poor and needy. But sadly they keep this as one of the inter class competitions as to which class can bring in the largest collection of money. This means that, the larger amount a class collects makes it the winner and they get prizes for their contribution. This is in itself a very unhealthy competition and invariably can lead the students to form a mentality to flaunt their rich parents’ money, which is not in order as every child should be made to feel equal, irrespective of their parents’ financial background which is in turn one of the virtues of real education.
And as I had already mentioned about the case where if a student’s parents fail to pay her school fees on time, he/she is warned in front of all the other students in her class, saying that if her parents do not pay her school fees on time she will be barred from appearing in her examinations. This kind of actions taken by a school authority is very detrimental and could be avoided by informing the parents directly rather than leaving a scar in the poor child’s tender brain by telling her about her parents’ folly, which at most of the times are not intentional.
And this is not all; schools also goes on the record to keep fetes/fairs in the school for the kids where the school authorities put stalls of various eatables for the students, where they sell an item for almost double the market price. This is again a very wrong paradigm set in front of the students as the students follow their teachers more than any one else at home.
Here I fail to understand as to why no parent has voiced their objections to such things happening in various schools till now? Why no parents have brought their objections towards such things to the school administration’s knowledge? I asked the same questions to my friend only to find spontaneity in her response wherein she outbursts at me saying that if they raise any objections to the school authority regarding such things, the child’s future in the school will be affected accordingly. Their main fear is that a strong case might as well be taken against the child to warn the parents to keep them away from taking such course of actions in future. In such cases I don’t see any chances of the child to develop any personality to voice their opinion in future as a responsible citizen (which should be the main aim of a school rather than to nurture irresponsible future doctors or engineers) of our nation.
The Montessori ethos (“away with chalk, let us talk”) aims at protecting and nurturing the RIGHTFUL development of the child by promoting his education beyond the realm of the class room to the community in which he or she lives encouraging a strong but non-materialistic partnership between parents, carers and teachers, with the child as the epicentre. Our main concern should be an all round development of the child and that the child should not be exposed to anything that steals their innocence from their childhood.

Me and Love(?)...

Living a life like a bird in the wilderness is what I always longed for. It brings the best out of me whenever I am unleashed from all the fears and anticipations. I am what I am if you try to change me then get ready to see a different person everyday in me .....

As a child , I always used to get away with doing all the wrongs in my family and used to access it without any fear in mind only to get labeled as the "big bully" amongst my siblings. Though it was never like "spare the rod and spoil the child" with me. I too used to get my share of spankings from my parents. But then with me, it was more of a way of drawing my parents' attentions towards me. I was termed as the "Most talkative child" in my school . But that was something that I loved being termed as, as it only made me feel famous amongst all my friends in school. I loved all the attentions that I used to get from my teachers for all the possible wrong reasons. Almost every teacher eyed at me and I was quite OK with that, as I thought they made the best possible use of their eyes by eyeing me. The class monitors used to get fed up with me because of my indifferent attitude. But I was still OK with it. I remember those fun filled days of going to school with school bag hung on my shoulders wearing a short knee length skirt with a pair of "naughty boy" shoes and socks rolled down to the ankles and on reaching school gate I would quickly pull them up to please the teachers who loved eyeing me. I loved each moment of my childhood days. Loved travelling to each nook and corner of Assam, changing schools every third year parting away from old friends would never leave any scars in my heart. Making new friends all over again in new places would never seem to be a problem for me...that was something I still preserve as a part of my upbringing .

Then came the twist in the tale when I grew up. Yes I did grow up only to find myself in an wonderland of my own where I used to see little cupid flying with his arrow in the air . I used to literally see hearts popping up in the air. Gosh...I was the badly love struck little soul unleashed in this big bad world. I started feeling the butterflies in my tommy, started having unlimited crushes over people I would hardly know whether they really exist in this world or not. A person with a low profile would always attract me to no end. Be it an Wimbledon grand slam championship or a singing gala competition I would always invariably end up falling for the loser. I would go mad for such persons. The so called "under dogs" always used to leave me wonder more about them. Once I was done with doing a PhD in LOVE , I started considering myself to be a la Mother Teresa for the Godforsaken ones of the society. I would always willingly fall for such guys whom the rest of the society would averse. I would go weak in my knees for them as I was the only one for them sent by God ,a "Messiah" to save their life. I used to be so confident about their future that one day I will show the society by reforming them in their life, no matter whether they were bothered about my existence in their life or not. And much to everybody's anticipations, at the end there were certain brutal heart breaks...still I would go deep in LOVE with that person so much so that I would consider myself to be no less than a la Meena Kumari. Who says that a heart is made of glasses, that if it breaks can never be mended; mine was probably made out of some lenient ceramic fibre that could be easily fixed with the help of a QUICK FIX . A shoulder to cry on is all what I wanted to fix my heart . Life never stops after heart breaks in fact it moves faster in search of another to try it's luck one more time by thinking not to commit the same mistakes again. Love is rather a game of gamble where even if u lose once you don't mind giving it a shot again hoping for a big win next time. Yes there is always a next time in LOVE. In fact the more you lose in this game the greater chances for you to become a winner next time as you only become wiser in this game.

A carefree soul would overnight turn into a self styled poetess, all of a sudden I started to understand all those tough Urdu words of Jagjit Singh ji's Ghajals and would listen to it over and over again at a stretch till hours, and after that would pen down all her melancholy to nurture a broken heart and would feel great on her own creations considering love is a strong fuel to speed up the engine of your poetic soul. I still remember how euphoric that I used to feel regarding my own creations of "trials and tribulations" of my life as life was nothing else than nurturing a broken heart . All those heart breaks would not stop me from falling in love again and again as if I was born to love and so I was drinking , eating , breathing, sweating and of course bleeding LOVE.

"I wandered lonely as a cloud over the hills
and at last both of us poured the cloud and me"

Love for me was working as oxygen. Love for me was working as the kick to move on in my life. Love was loving the way we fought, loving the way I felt possessive about someone, love for me was loving all those pain that is caused by my love. Love for me was knowing everything about someone and still wanting to be with them more than anyone else...love for me was trusting a person to share everything about your life including the things you are ashamed of. Love for me was feeling comfortable and safe with someone,but still get weak knees when they walk in to the room and smile at you. Love for me was leaving a part of us with someone and taking a part of someone with us when we part......

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me. Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still get weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

we the people of NE...

Brilliance of mind and Modishness of your wardrobe can be rammed by the IGNORANCE of your Mouth....
It is high time that we the people of north east India should stop being such cry babies and behave like responsible citizens of our country. Just a few days back I happened to see an interview of two NE girls on TV....sharing some unpleasant experiences of their life in a city like Delhi being from North East India.
They think they have suffered discriminative behavior from the rest of the Indians because they are from NE, which is absolutely preposterous, because we make our own impressions in front of others.No I am not blaming these two girls for indulging in any kind of derogatory acts in Delhi but let us be honest on this part that we the people of NE are too shallow and get carried away by any kind of glitz and glamor of out side world faking our own identity. So much so that I have even come across people from NE who feel ashamed of their identity as a North Eastern. It is high time that we accept our shortcomings and proceed ahead by working on that. Stop rattling at being considered as apes from Jungle....put your voice across to your fellow country man who does not know about Assam or any other North Eastern states.Enlighten them about your state politely yet firmly. It's definitely our fault that people from the rest of the India knows very little about us, because we are lacking behind in communicating with them about us.
We choose our Representatives for the parliament without even checking on his credentials to raise his voice at the national level for us. How many of us see for the quality of our representative rather than getting carried away by the hypes he is creating in his constituency. Okay, we are very chic in our dressing sense and all, people from our region knows well how to keep themselves at par with the latest fashion and they are always keen to do "everything" to be called as progressive as the western countries but it's not all that is required to be labelled as 'progressive' in our society. It requires lot more than that. Still many of us lack in our communication skills as compared to the rest of our countryman and that's the reason we shy away from raising our voice at the national level. And I think that's the reason people from rest of India knows very less about us.

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.

- Barbara de Angelis

ON THE PATH OF HATRED...

I've walked miles of hatred with you.......
crossing all the milestones of promises passed,
Created on our journey together
some days back:
Carrying all those grievances...
Distances away,
Falling out of love(?)
Then falling out on you as well!!
And finally we bid adieu at the terminal,
Never to see each other again, but....
You left your baggages with me!!
So I am still carrying it...on
with love for you!!!!!!!

WHEN YOU LEFT ME......

When you'r gone...
I was still the same
the way you left me
waiting for you to turn back and
look at me with glee.
The cuckoos were still chirping on the trees
wind was still blowing silently across the hills...
by gently playing with my hair
yet leaving it high and dry
And when you did not turn back
even then still I thought...
may be you fear looking at me
because it might stop you from parting away from me.
Yes I was still the same.
I still booked a table for two
at Sunny's,your favorite restaurant.
Still got dorned up
the way you always want me to be
I wore that red silhouette gown..
You gave me on my last birthday
I still did not wear any color on my lips,
I knew you don't like to get teased
by any unreal flavor on my lips.
I still kept my hair unkempt..
remember, you liked moving your fingers through the strands of my unruly hair
detangling it softly
while our eyes were deep in conversation...
and my head was
basking in the warmth of your arms.
I would still not wear any perfumes
lest it bars me from getting the feel of you in the air
once you are ushered in towards the table by the waiter..
I was still so deep in your thought....
How would I ever hold myself back from you....
once you sit next to me,
only to tickle all my senses
caressing my bones with a smile
and say "Hi dear" ?????